winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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