It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
