weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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