Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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