Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
