..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
