I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
