Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
