chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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