Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
