The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
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dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
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Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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