my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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