She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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