Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
