I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
