is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
