Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
