nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
