you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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