so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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