a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
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I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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