doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
