i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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