I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
