im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You pole danced in your parka.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
