If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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