Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
