it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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