you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
only you would photoshop your dick
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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