is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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