Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
