I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My pussy is not your playground.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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