You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Let's get the cat blown out
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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