I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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