Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
