Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
