i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
