my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think i peed on brittanys purse
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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