There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
