Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
