If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Damn victory sex feels great
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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