apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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