I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
