i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
