I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
