Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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