hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
