wanna go halves on a baby?
Your dad touched me again.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
