i just had sex bonerless
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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