he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
