it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize