you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
