Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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