so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
