So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
