Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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