if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
