My nipple is on Facebook.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
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