You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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