end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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