It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
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So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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