I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
