I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
