Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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