His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
