you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
