The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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