Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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