At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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