Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
try to milk me bitch
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