just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
