They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
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stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
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I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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