So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
