Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
