I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
