I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
